Motherhood

I’m not sure
If I could have a baby
Or not…I probably won’t
Cos I can’t take care of
It…I’m not that strong enough
I don’t have patience
I’m not that fast…
I can’t take care of a baby,

I can’t even pick up the baby
In my arms by myself….
You know accidents happen….
I’m aware that I can’t excuse
My disability….but some things
Are called for the assistance….

Would I born to be a mama?
No…I’m not sure….
I know there are doubts that’s
Talkin…it really is somethin to think
About…bringin a bundle of joy into
This world, to this harsh world…
And as a mother, you got responsibilities….

And yes dad is involved,
He wanted to help me….
I just don’t know, I’ve never been pregnant
Before….do I want to have a child?
Like for real, do I really want a child and how
Could i take care of it? Could I really?

And what would my family say?
Or do? I don’t think I can do it….
Even if I think it’s possible that I wanna be
A mom…

I can’t
I can’t take of it…
Nobody wants to take up my responsibilities
That I give birth to…
And it also is my physical disability,
Again there might be accidents..
And one of them that I might not save him or her on time…
That’s scary….

People say
I will be a good mom
Cos I care for other people’s kids
But for me, I don’t have the strength
To be a mom….if you know what I mean…

I’m not selfish
I can’t….
I know the word can’t is such a punk word
Still if I’m alone with my kid
How could I pick him or her up?
Especially when an assistant isn’t around
And the dad is at work….

I don’t know…

Motherhood isn’t for me…
💯©️ Kai C. 10-11-24