So, I grew up with hearing stories about my mom (Ma) participating in the Civil Rights Movement in Thomasville, AL. She said they all walked out of school one day and marched down the street, and she was among those that were arrested. My mother was born in 1954.
I moved to Birmingham or Bombingham, AL (IYKYK). Birmingham, Montgomery, and Selma are three historical cities in Alabama when it comes down to the Civil Rights Movement. Four Little Girls were killed during the bombing of Sixteenth Street Baptist Church. Bus Boycott started in Montgomery. Selma is known for Bloody Sunday and the march from Selma to Montgomery.
Well. I moved to Birmingham and got married and listened to the stories my mother-in-law (MiL) told about the Civil Rights Movement. She said her brother (who is 8 years older than her) went to jail with Dr. King and her mom had a fit about it and didn't want any of them participating in the marches. My MiL was born in 1953.
I was so confused and shocked. Ma and my MiL attended negro only schools. Ma's class was integrated, but my MiL's school is still predominantly black. My maternal grandmother was born in 1919 in Mobile, AL, and my MiL's mom was born in 1926 in Columbus, MS.
My grandma knew about my mom's interest in the Civil Rights Movement, but my MiL's mom would not let her children participate. Her son was grown; so, there wasn't much she could do about him participating.
Both of these daughters grew up in the South with older siblings and a sibling or more younger than them. One grew up in a small country town and the other in Bombingham. One's mother was supportive of the movement, but the other one lived in fear for her children.
Today, I see these women and wonder what life was like for them in their household and what the conversations looked like between them and their mothers.
Communication between these daughters' generation and the generation(s) they birthed (in some households) were non-existent. I'm a product of their generation. I'm an 80s baby. I attended a school system in a county where the population was considered 50/50. When I went off to college, I didn't have culture shock like some did. Having an uncle who was married to a white woman from France, whose mom would travel with them when they visited, and having a grandfather who I heard stories about who was YT-passing really prepared me for the cultural differences in college. Also, having friends who were Jehovah Witness helped as well because we had conversations about what our religions believed.
I feel like there's a disconnect between the mothers in the South born as baby boomers and their daughters (could just be me). My experience is that I was only taught that I needed to go to school, get a job, buy transportation, buy a house, and then think about marriage and having a family. Also, I was taught to be in church. The moment I didn't follow this plan, I was reprimanded. At age 37 going on 38, I'm still being told that I need to go back and get a degree and that I need to be listening in to church EVERY Sunday.
Growing up, I was told not to call boys they should be calling me (this is preteen me). My brother (who's 9 years older than me) gave me relationship/sex talk before I went off to college. I had sex education class for an hour or two in fifth grade for how ever many days. I dreamed of becoming an electrical engineer like my brother when I was in the single digits. By the time I became a teenager, my dreams had changed, but I allowed my mom to convince me to stick with engineering. I learned from my upbringing on what not to do.
No one born in the same era will be raised the same. No two children or more raised in the same household will come out with the same way of thinking. It is unhealthy to not allow children to grow and follow their dreams, and allow them to face their fears of failure. A child's environment influences their future. They will make choices in life whether positive or negative based on what they experienced as children. These choices sometimes come with rewards and sometimes with consequences.
I talk to my daughters and son about choices, and I meet them where they are because they each are at different levels on their walk through life. They have their own beliefs. I want them to complete school through 12th grade, and then they can follow the path that they choose. I am supportive of the paths they are choosing because they have to live their own lives.
What I'm saying is although children are raised in the same era, household, or region, no two parents or two children will turn out the same. It may come as a shock to some who don't have children, but as a mother of three, ages 16, 13, and 12, I can attest to teaching each child differently and honestly attempting to treat them equally, but in the end, they have three different personalities and need different approaches. The way I treat one doesn't work for the others. Yes, they express how they feel about the treatment I give each of them, and I try to adjust accordingly. Gentle parenting is not something I do; although, I can say I haven't given a child a whooping since the beginning of the pandemic. I find other means of discipline, whether it's verbally threatening to remove or physically removing items they think they need, or explaining the reasoning behind why my voice is raised and the consequences behind their actions. I tell my children that it seems like they only listen when my voice is raised. Does this work? 99.9% of the time. That .1% is for three days later when they go back to doing the same thing again. For every action, there's an equal or greater reaction.
Lesson::Children are raised differently no matter where they are, whether the same age, close in age, in the same household, have the same parents, etc. Your children have to choose their own paths, and you should be there as support and not a hindrance. Let your child(ren) make his/her own mistakes. Just be a guide.
Àsé!
