Melanated People

3 yrs

Basically I took a couple days break from Facebook and IG. The other day, you could say I was depressed. However, I knew exactly what it was that I was feeling. I felt “at peace,” as if I was on my deathbed and wanted more than anything to pass on into the afterlife. I was a little sad, but wanted nothing more than to pass on. I suppose that is a type of depression I have been feeling from living in this realm where Black people withold love and care for each other. Especially the older generation of Black people. I’m only 28 and kinda feel like living in this era is a waste of my time. I don’t even enjoy the things I used to. Video games, creating music, all the stories I have been secretly writing, masturbating, having sex.

I have messed around with 24 different people and not one time has anyone helped me achieve an orgasm. And no, it’s not like I’m “doing it wrong.” Sex is just something that I cannot enjoy on the same level as, I guess, most heterosexual men. It’s easy for ya’ll to bust a nut. Me? Not so much. Maybe it does indeed have something to do with me being Asexual.

Ultimately, it feels as if all of this is for nothing.

I don’t think I would mind dying at this point of time in my life. I guess whatever happens, happens. I’m bored of life. I just want to go to Ginen. I’m tired of being here.

Comment

Power Through Peace. I am no trained professional. I can only speak from my own life experiences. External things no matter what they are cannot replace what is missing on the inside. Maybe you are doing what you believe is natural when you have been conditioned. What I mean is the act of sexual intimacy can only truly be fulfilling when you truly intertwine your mind, spirit and energy levels with someone, prior to the physical touch. The act of sex is to blend all of ourselves into one (baby) physically. My question is have you really met 24 different people you feel that connected to, (that created love for your mind and breathed life into your visions) to allow all of yourself to be absorbed by them for the sustainment of their life?
Because even if you don't reach your peak, you are still pouring your lifeforce into another. That will definitely kill you spiritually but very slowly. Maybe you want to make yourself wait for self-pleasure then it will be less of an adrenaline factor for you. See if you can wait until you find the one who makes you have the wet dreams like you were a pre-teen. It can still happen to a man late in life, ask them. I promise it will be a different experience. Take some time to volunteer at a nursing home or hospice, even one hour a month. How about you learn how to create the video games instead of playing them? Maybe your secret writing shouldn't be a secret. You may draw others into you who are kindred spirits. Oh, and the music, why we not hearing it? Umm give us some samples. Again, another way to connect with your vibrational kindred. We all weird as hell. I dream of businesses in my sleep and cry about Black families that don't know my ass. And NO it's not whatever happens. It's what you want to happen and how you gone punch your way through all of the fuckery to get there! We doing this!

· Reply · 1700859240

Power Through Peace. I am no trained professional. I can only speak from my own life experiences. External things no matter what they are cannot replace what is missing on the inside. Maybe you are doing what you believe is natural when you have been conditioned. What I mean is the act of sexual intimacy can only truly be fulfilling when you truly intertwine your mind, spirit and energy levels with someone, prior to the physical touch. The act of sex is to blend all of ourselves into one (baby) physically. My question is have you really met 24 different people you feel that connected to, (that created love for your mind and breathed life into your visions) to allow all of yourself to be absorbed by them for the sustainment of their life?   
Because even if you don't reach your peak, you are still pouring your lifeforce into another. That will definitely kill you spiritually but very slowly. Maybe you want to make yourself wait for self-pleasure then it will be less of an adrenaline factor for you. See if you can wait until you find the one who makes you have the wet dreams like you were a   pre-teen. It can still happen to a man late in life, ask them. I promise it will be a different experience.  Take some time to volunteer at a nursing home or hospice, even one hour a month. How about you learn how to create the video games instead of playing them? Maybe your secret writing shouldn't be a secret. You may draw others into you who are kindred spirits. Oh, and the music, why we not hearing it? Umm give us some samples. Again, another way to connect with your vibrational kindred. We all weird as hell. I dream of businesses in my sleep and cry about Black families that don't know my ass. And NO it's not whatever happens. It's what you want to happen and how you gone punch your way through all of the fuckery to get there! We doing this!